Dusty and I had many ups and downs in the last two days. Yesterday we didn't have any doctors appointments so we went to explore Houston, our new home. It was really hard to go back to the old "Dusty and Stacey". After you know you have cancer it is like another person is with you. It felt like it was "Dusty, Stacey, and Cancer" exploring the city. At lunch there was an awkward pause when Dusty tried to swallow and his food got stuck. I wanted to ask if he was okay but I know I sound like a broken record. "Are you okay? Do you want some water? How can I help? Lets go home." I don't want to keep asking, it drives him crazy. But, I also know Dusty would never say anything because he doesn't want me bored in a room all day. I'm along for the ride. If I have to sit in a room all day for six weeks, I will. I don't care. I just need Dusty. We are in this together. But, I'm learning to roll with it. We don't always have to talk to be on the same page. Tonight at dinner we just held hands across the table and didn't say a word for a long time. It was nice. Before, I felt I had to talk to keep the conversation flowing so that we wouldn't think about cancer. Do you know how hard that is when the only thing on your mind is cancer? But today was a good day. There have been a lot of date unknowns, as far as when we will start our treatments, which makes making travel arrangements difficult and stressful. Plane tickets go up hourly. We also don't want to pay for a hotel here and be away from our boys when we only have one appointment left and it is a week later. But we don't want to buy a plane ticket home and turn around and have to fly back a day later. It is difficult. But, today all of our appointments got aligned and we have a plan!
Dusty has said this whole time that he felt like he was running through the woods, bleeding, and being chased by a bear. Well, today we got our plan from the doctors. Dusty said, "He got a shotgun, today." I said, "No honey, we just got a missile!" The love and support that we have gotten from family, friends, and STRANGERS is overwhelming. Thank you to each of you for your love and support. I can't tell you how much the donations are going to help. You all are our missile. Let's go to battle baby!! I've already booked our flights out here for Tuesday. Dusty's ticket is a one way ticket and I will fly back two weeks later to switch with other family members and spend some time with my boys. Ugh, even saying two weeks away from them hurts (both ways, two weeks away from Dusty and two weeks away from the boys). I know Dusty is going to have a hard time with this. I will do two weeks here, two weeks home, then drive to Houston for the last three weeks. I'm not going to let him fly home and risk getting sick on the plane.
Dear Stacey and Dusty,
ReplyDeleteI was at work last night and saw on facebook about Dusty's diagnosis and have been thinking about ya'll and your family all day....what to say.....do I say anything at all? Do I repost this blog to my facebook page like everyone else? (which I did). I know we all weren't best friends in high school, or even seen each other since graduation, but I do know ya'll well enough to say that I'm sorry this is happening to such good people. Who would've put you guys together and married 10-12 years ago? Look at the beautiful family and life you have created together and use that as fuel to keep truckin' down this rocky road. I've been a nurse at Doctors Hospital for 5 years now, and I've taken care of just about every kind of patient there is and seen cancer in all types and stages. Cancer is not a death sentence anymore. Ya'll CAN beat this. Dusty, keep your head high....there will be really good days, and really bad days, as I'm sure you've already experienced, but never give up. You have Stacey and your boys to live for. Stacey, you are the glue that holds all your men together now, as you take care of them, don't forget to take care of yourself....many family members of loved ones who are ill tend to put themselves last and wear themselves thin. You are doing a great job so far!!! Hopefully looking at the overwhelming number of donations, facebook posts, and prayers will fill ya'lls heart with warmth and give you some comfort when you feel there is no light at the end of the tunnel.....make esophageal cancer ya'lls bitch! take care------love, Malerie Fields