Reality

Dusty and I arrived in Houston today.  Our journey has begun.  We are now Texans!  I've always wanted to move back to Texas but under much different circumstances.  Today reality hit again.  We are both terrified.  Dusty is scared of the unknowns and I'm scared of my strength.  I don't want to feel like the patient but being a caregiver is the most terrifying job that I will ever face.  Hopefully!  
Reality is all around us.  When we arrived at the Rotary House it hit both of us like a train.  We are checking into a cancer hotel.  Scary.  We took our bags up to the room and decided to go get something to eat.  In the lobby they had postings for a nutrition seminar.  We decided to go.  I mean, that is why we are paying a fortune for this place.  So we can get the best care, convenience, and learn from others through community.  They played a 15 minute video on nutrition: before, during, and after treatment.  The video followed four people during their treatments, one of which had esophageal cancer.  It felt like my spirit was ripped out to be relating to someone on a cancer video.  How can this be happening to us?  Dusty is too young.  After the video the dietician/nutritionist asked us questions and took questions from the crowd.  Dusty, being the student that he is, immediately started asking questions.  He told her about his esophageal cancer and she said, "Oh, we will be seeing a lot of you."  What does that mean?  Is his cancer worse than others?  My mind started racing again.  Why is she singling him out?  She said people with esophageal cancer get a full time nutritionist.  He will have a hard time swallowing due to the "burning of his esophagus" during radiation.  ?  But, he will need to keep his weight and strength up to handle the high amounts of chemo he will be receiving.  We took the information that we learned and got on the free hotel shuttle to Target to get some groceries and essentials.  We bought a lot of berries, fruits, and veggies.  We also bought a Magic Bullet (Elaine :)) to make smoothies and a crock pot to make soups.  I'm going to do my best to follow along side of Dusty's meals.  Like I said, "I don't want to eat filet while he is sipping on a spinach smoothie!"
On the way back we were passed by an ambulance.  When we got back to the hospital/hotel we saw a young child, maybe 8, being taken out on a stretcher.  I teared up but held back.  I don't want Dusty to see me cry right now.  It is so hard be faced with cancer by your husband, but a child.  I can't imagine.  I would die, seriously die if this were Reynolds or Harland.  Cancer is ruthless.  It doesn't care how old you are or what your story is.  It just comes along and wrecks your world.  I hate you cancer.  
Today I've tried to just sit back and observe.  I wanted to see if Dusty would give me his feelings without me always probing him.  He didn't.  I know he is trying to protect me and not worry me but I'm supposed to be here to give him support.  He is the greatest in that way, he would never want me to worry.  But, I am.  I see it in him.  He is scared.  We both are.  And reality is staring us down.

Wednesday we have four doctor's appointments.  We will have an endoscopy with ultrasound and will finally be given a stage.  We think either a stage 2 or stage 3.  PRAY for stage 2.  I'll keep everyone posted.  Continue to pray.  Thank you for all your love and support.