I'm sorry that i haven't blogged in a long time. I've been busy with life. We have had many ups and downs through the last few weeks. I want to give everyone a quick update.
In Houston Dusty had a lump arise. We had the oncologist's PA look at it and she thought that it was a busted blood vessel and nothing to worry about. Well in October we noticed that it had tripled in size. We showed our oncologist here and he said it doesn't look like anything to worry about but we should have it removed to be sure. We had it removed in November. The pathology came back as positive for adno cell carcinoma (same cancer that was in his esophagus). The doctor was very concerned that his cancer had spread from his esophagus and liver to his skin. It is one of the most unlikely places for it to spread. He was concerned where else the cancer stopped prior to ending in the skin. They put a rush on his MRI and CT scan. We were going to get the results on Thursday (12/6/12). It was the longest day of my life. I had the doctor call me to give me the news, not Dusty. I can handle news better and absorb it before relaying the news. Thursday I waited for my phone to ring. My stomach was in knots. I called multiple times and the nurse said the results are on his desk and he will call me after 5:00 when he is done seeing patients. Should I just show up? At 5:30 Elaine and I left the office, thinking that he had forgotten to call me. On the way to pick my children up from daycare, my phone rings. I pulled into daycare and parked the car. Our doctor said, "Well, it's not what we wanted. His tumor in his liver has tripled in two months." My heart stopped. "What does this mean?" He said, "Dusty's cancer is very aggressive and is beating the chemo. With the amount of chemo that he is receiving, his cancer should be shrinking. The fact that it is tripling, means the chemo is not working." I asked if the cancer has spread to any other organs, he said no but there are a few smaller tumors in the liver. I was at a loss. At this point, Elaine had loaded her kids up and was sitting next to me in the car. She text my mom to come get my kids for me. I asked the doctor what is next? He didn't have the answer. I asked about coming in and doing chemo on Monday (today, 12/10/12). He said there is no need to continue chemo because it is not working. At that moment reality sunk in; they are giving up, they are pulling the plug, my husband has no other options. The rest of the conversation was pretty much a blur. I said goodbye to Elaine and left. I drove around for thirty minutes. How do you go home and tell your husband that this is the end? How do you say, "The doctors don't have hope, but keep your head up???" Dusty called and wanted me to pick up some side items from Wife Saver because his sister had made his favorite meatballs for him. He was all excited and in a good mood. I couldn't tell him over the phone. I picked up the sides, knowing that we wouldn't have an appetite once I told Dusty the news. I circled the two cul-de-sacs in my neighborhood twice each. I called our best friend, Aaron, and asked him, "How do I tell Dusty that he is going to die?" This does not mean he is dying. I'll get to the "next steps". I pulled in the driveway and composed myself. I put my smile on and went in. When I walked through the door Dusty asked, "Where are the kids?" His face immediately changed and he said, "You talked to the doctor didn't you?" I rushed to him and held him tightly. I told him what the doctor said and he just looked like a lost child. What do you say or do for that? He had a feeling that it wasn't going to be good when it showed up in his skin. Honestly, we all did. We all thought it would be in all of his organs but it stayed contained in his liver. The location of the tumor is inoperable and they can't radiate his liver. The amount of radiation it would take would kill the liver before it killed the tumor. Your liver does regenerate but at a slower pace than the tumor is growing. It won't work. Again, feels like there is no answer.
"NEXT STEPS"
1. MD Anderson is working on a clinical trial that will genetically code his tumor. If they can find the gene that is creating that tumor, they can "turn it off" with hormones and stop the cancer from spreading. They are in the process of "growing" his tumor and testing for this particular gene. Only 25-40% of people express this gene but if Dusty does, it will be a game changer (Doctor's words). So, for now, we are hoping and praying for Dusty to have this gene.
2. We are going to talk with our oncologist in Houston about another chemo cycle. We have been on the newest, most advanced chemos but they are thinking about putting Dusty on a chemo cycle that they used to use. "Old day's medicine". The doctor said he would only do a couple of cycles of this chemo and re-scan Dusty to see if it is working. These chemos will make him very sick (like chemo in the old days) and he said at some point you have to weigh out quality of life versus quantity of life. Dusty said, "Please don't give up on me." The doctor said he wouldn't but if the chemo does not work, he doesn't need to be sick on it.
