It's just hair!

Dusty had a great week last week (off chemo week).  He felt great!  He stopped taking his pain medicine.  Whoop whoop, something must be working inside him.  We went to my mom's house to swim on Saturday.  While I was lathering the kids with sunscreen I saw Dusty run his hands through his hair and pull out chunks of hair.  It was devastating.  You never realize how much hair means until you uncontrollably start losing it.  Dusty jumped up and said, "I'm shaving my head, NOW."  He went back to my house and I stayed with the kids swimming.  I don't know why I didn't go.  Maybe it was that I couldn't witness it.  I have always loved Dusty's hair.  It was so think and beautiful.  He called his best buddies, they came over and they all starting shaving their heads.  I'm sure that was a sight for the neighbors.  A group of guys shaving their heads in the front yard, giving each other high fives!  I started feeling bad about not being there to support Dusty.  I didn't know how he was feeling.  If it really didn't matter to him (like he was acting) or if he was upset.  I left the kids with Elaine and Danielle and went to my house.  When I pulled up, Dusty was in a rocking chair in my driveway and his sister, Bre, was shaving his head.  I could barely look at him at first.  It was hard to see him like this.  Other than a little bulge on his chest where his portacath is, there has been no physical sign that he has cancer.  Until now.  I gathered myself and got out of the car.  They were all having fun with it.  Dusty shaved a mullet first, then a beaver tail, then a mohawk, and lastly the shaved head.  It is not bald but buzzed very short.  It was a hard moment for me.  Dusty said I was being stupid, "It's just hair, it will grow back."  He said he wanted to do the boys' hair.  Wait, what?  Hold on!  Those are my babies, and you're not touching their heads.  I shrugged it off thinking it would go away.  It didn't.  I made a fuss about shaving the boys' heads.  I hurt Dusty's feelings. He said, "Does it look that horrible that you don't want your kids to look like this?"  Damn, he got me.   I told him he could do Reynolds' hair if Reynolds wanted to but not to touch Harland.  Harland is my baby and I'm keeping him to myself!  I went back to my mom's with Dusty and Aaron.  Reynolds immediately said he wanted to shave his head.  Dusty smirked with pride.  I frowned.  When we got home Reynolds started with the head shaving again.  I told him, "Once it is gone you can't go back.  You can no longer have mohawks and silly hair days with me."  I wanted him to think about it overnight and let me know tomorrow.  The next morning I was in the shower and in comes Reynolds, "I want to shave my head.  I thought about it all night!"  I cringed in the shower.  "Okay, you can do it."  I'm sure Dusty was in the background somewhere eaves dropping and smiling.  They went outside and did it.  When he came in I was a little sad.  He definitely has awesome hair and I love it longer but he looked cute.  How couldn't he?  Have you seen him?  He would look cute any way he was.  We went to church then went and met one of his professors at lunch.  Dr. Donna Wear has been an inspiration and mentor to Dusty.  She and Dusty have formed a mother/son relationship.  She showed up at lunch with a SHAVED HEAD!  I couldn't believe it.  A woman did this for him!  How awesome!  Dusty touches people in a way that is unexplainable.  I felt badly that I had made such a fuss over hair and here is a woman that didn't think twice about showing her support for my husband.  When we got home we did Harland's hair.  I cried with the first swipe of the razor.  I love Harland's gold hair, I've paid money to have hair his color!  Dusty said, "If I don't make it through this, I don't want Harland to look back at pictures when he is five and wonder why he was left out of the "shaved heads group"."  Damn, he got me again.  Harland did great with the head shaving.  It wasn't until after that he threw a fit because he was itchy.  Harland looks like a baby again.  I secretly like it.  I would never tell Dusty this!  :)