Radiation

I'm sorry that I have been out of touch.  I've been having a hard time out here and writers block.  We were put off for a week and a day.  Our insurance company would not approve proton therapy because it is too new and too expensive.  We were supposed to start radiation on Monday, July 2.  They told us on Monday that we were not approved yet, then on Tuesday our insurance company would not return calls, knowing that Wednesday was July 4 and they would be closed.  So, this pushed us back to Thursday, well on Thursday at noon is when we were supposed to have our answers.  NOPE!  Nothing.  We called the doctors everyday and called the insurance company everyday.  Finally, on Monday, July 9, the doctor said lets go with plan 2, IMRT radiation.  Plan 2?  What does that mean?  Second best?  The doctor assured us that IMRT is really good.  He told us we are not getting 2nd rate medicine.  That IMRT is still better than other hospitals offer.  Way more advanced than everywhere else.  IMRT has a lose dose of radiation splatter to the surrounding areas.  Proton therapy does not.  We wanted proton therapy because radiation splatter to the surrounding areas means radiation splatter on his lungs and heart.  The heart is a strong muscle so radiation splatter is not much concern but the lungs are what scares us.  We need his lungs to stay strong for the surgery.

So, after coming out here 11 days too early, spending $1419 on an unnecessary hotel room, and being away from our children for a week and a half, we finally started on Tuesday, July 10.  Dusty did really well on Tuesday.  You don't feel radiation.  You start to feel the effects of radiation after about two weeks but you don't feel radiation during radiation.  Dusty has ups and downs.  He has random pains in his chest and legs.  He gets restless legs and has to use heating pads.  His spirits have been down since we started radiation.  I think it is something new and he is adjusting.  The first few days of chemo he did the same thing.  So, I think it is the initial shock of having to do radiation that is bringing him down.  There are many support groups here and I'm trying to get him to go with me but he is a private person.  He did make one joke about not glowing in the dark when we went to bed the other night!  :)  

My strength is being tested.  I'm really having a hard time being away from the kids.  I can feel Reynolds pulling away from us.  I don't know if it is because he is angry at us for leaving him or if he is  just busy when we call, but he doesn't want to talk to us much and only says hello for a minute on FaceTime and Skype.  I miss him so much.  Harland on the other hand doesn't want to get off of FaceTime and Skype.  He kisses the screen and loves to make faces with me.  I hold the screen tightly and cry to hold him.  It is like a part of me has died.  I need my children.  Luckily we raised enough money for me to buy two plane tickets to fly them here.  My mom is going to fly the kids out on July 27.  I can't wait.  We are so excited to see them.