I feel like I'm drowning

Today has been hard.  I'm feeling very alone.  I miss my kids so badly that I can't breath.  It feels like I'm snorkeling, like I'm breathing enough to live but not getting satisfied by my breaths.  I feel like I'm drowning slowly.  I need my kids.  They are my life.  I'm counting down the days.  three days!!!  My mom is flying out with the boys on Friday.  I can't wait.  I'm so excited.  I'm more anxious to see them Friday than on the day they were born.  Seriously.  I already told Dusty we weren't going to sleep together the whole time they are here.  We are going to alternate which kid we get each night.  I can't wait to snuggle with them.  My rule of no children in the Master bed has gone out the window.  Hell, when I get home I may move their beds into my room.  Not really!  But, we will definitely have more pajama parties.  Tomorrow will be 4 weeks since I last touched my boys.  I'm literally going to attack them at the airport on Friday.  ATTACK!


Dusty is still doing good.  He is a chemo warrior.  He does so good with it.  He can feel the effects of the radiation but it is still tolerable.  We are learning how to manage his medicines.  If he takes his pain medicine 30 minutes before he eats, it helps with swallowing.  He also has a liquid that numbs his throat to help with swallowing, but we learned that it makes him nauseous so he has to take his anti-nausea medicine with the liquid.  It is all trial and error but we are learning what works for him.   Monday his platelets were low so we almost didn't get to do chemo but the doctor said lets move forward with chemo.  Since we didn't start radiation the first week we were here, we are going to be here a week longer; therefore, the doctor added one more chemo treatment.  So, now we have two more chemo treatments and seventeen more radiation treatments.  Friday we will be halfway done with radiation.  Yay!  


Our doctor got us in touch with a stage 3 esophageal cancer survivor who is 27.  We went to church and met John "Ty" and his fiancé, Niccole.  They are such warm and inviting people.  After church they invited us to lunch with them and two other couples, Robin and Ben and Stephanie and Will.  We ended up staying at the restaurant for three hours.  It was so great to get away from reality and have some fun.  It was the first time in a long time that I have laughed.  I'm hoping to have lunch again with the girls and Dusty and Ty plan on playing golf soon.  My hotel in near Robin and Niccole's work so hopefully, I can meet up with them once a week.
Niccole was by Ty's side through his entire treatment and surgery.  She told me what to expect and how to help him.  After surgery Dusty can't have food or water for 12 days, he will be on a feeding tube.  She WARNED me not to eat or drink anything in front of him during this period.  Let's just say her sneaking a butterfinger almost started World War III!  It feels good to have people here if I need help.  And they are good people.  They truly were there to help us and didn't make us feel out of place.  It was nice.

Tomorrow Dusty and I are getting out of my hotel room and going to help my college roommate with moving.  I'm excited to spend the day with Ashley.  She always makes me smile.