We have three security guards

Friday, August 3, we walked out to our car to go to the hospital to do Dusty's daily radiation treatment.  I noticed my passenger glass window was shattered.  I stopped by the front office and told the manager what had happened.  He said, "When you return from radiation we will call the police and file a report."  We went on with our routine.  When we got back the hotel manager called the police and they came out to file a report.  The police said it is a common thing in Houston and sadly the only time they meet nice people is in cases like this.  Lovely town.  While probing me I told the police officer our story and why we are here in Houston.  He felt bad that we were having to deal with this on top of fearing for our future.  He said he would do drive-bys at night and keep an eye on things.  Just then, the hotel manager said (in a "holy" proud tone), "We have three security guards!"  Oh, WOW!  Three security guards, well, they must be employees of the year!  I said, "Yeah, I've seen two of them sleeping on their golf carts, twice!"  He looked surprised and said he would take care of that and that it is noted.  Well, that's just great!  Glad I could secret shop your security guards.  I called around to see if any of the traveling glass repair companies were available.  No one could fit us in so Saturday, Ashley took us to get my window repaired ($208).  I'm so thankful for Ashley, don't know what I would do without her here!

Monday, August 6, Dusty has his last chemotherapy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Yes, please take a moment to celebrate!

Monday night I had a hard time going to sleep.  Reynolds, my first born, my pride and joy, started kindergarten on Tuesday morning.  I was going through many emotions about missing this huge event in his life.  I didn't get much sleep.  I woke up early so that I could talk to Reynolds before he went to school.  He was so excited. His enthusiasm brightened my mood.  Not long after we hung up the hotel phone rang.  It was the front desk telling me that the manager was outside my door and wanted to talk to me.  I thought it was about my window.  I got up and went out there.  As we started walking towards my car he said, "We had another break-in."  I turned the corner expecting to see my window broken when...... BAM, I saw it, my car was sitting on blocks.  They stole my wheels and tires.  I lost it.  I couldn't believe it.  I screamed, "ARE YOU SERIOUS?"  I said, "Where was the security?  What were they doing?  Sleeping again?"  He told me that he took their golf carts away since I told him that they were sleeping on their golf carts.  Oh good, take a lazy person's transportation away and expect them to WALK around a hotel!  I couldn't take it.  I had to go get Dusty because I was ready to collapse.  I opened the hotel door and said, "Dusty, my car is sitting on blocks." He quickly came down.  After a few choice words with the manager we had to go inside and get ready to go to radiation.  Before going our separate ways the manager said he would call his insurance company and that they have special cases for things like this.  So, in my mind they were going to make it right.  Ashley came and got us and took us to radiation.  She got to meet some of my "waiting room buddies" and we shared our car story with them.  I called the hotel twice during the day and never got an answer from the manager.  At 6:00 pm I went up to the front lobby and spoke with the him.  He gave me the insurance company's phone number and our claim number.  He then told me that is it between us and the insurance company and the hotel and insurance is not responsible for theft or damage to cars.  This didn't sit well with me, especially since we are spending almost $6,500 at this hotel.

MORE TO COME ON THIS STORY.......  I'M PLAYING PHONE TAG WITH THE INSURANCE AGENT FOR MARRIOTT.  I DIDN'T GET ANYWHERE WITH THEIR CORPORATE OFFICE.

My boys! My boys!

One of the hardest parts of cancer is trying to figure out how to deal with it.  Everyday is different.  Some days Dusty feels great; he gets out and goes places, goes to the pool and gym, plays golf etc.  Then, other days he can't get out of bed, throws up bile and blood, and screams in pain.  You never know what to expect.  Dusty did so great while our kids were here.

It was Friday, July 27, I didn't sleep a wink the night before.  It was like we were expecting our third child.  We were overwhelmed with joy and excitement.  We went to radiation and then headed to the airport.  We arrived an hour early (maybe that will magically make the plane arrive early), parked, and went into the baggage claim area.  We were so giddy, pacing back and forth, and checking the arrival screen every four minutes.  Finally, Delta flight from Atlanta was arriving.  Tears started filling our eyes.  We ran to the bottom of the escalator waiting for them to come down.  Oh the anticipation is killing me!!  Then, I see my boys.  Oh, my boys, my boys!  I could barely wait for them to get off the escalator and our of the way of others.  Reynolds and Harland ran to us.  I grabbed Reynolds and could barely pick him up.  He has gotten so big.  Such a tall and handsome little man!  Dusty had Harland in his arms.  Harland quickly started calling for me.  We switched kids.  Harland held me so tight.  I could feel how much he missed me in his little grasp.  He wouldn't let go of my arm and that was fine with me.  We were all in tears.  Mom was crying watching her family unite again.  It will always be a special moment in my heart.  

We spent the weekend in San Antonio and got to spend time with some of my cousins and their children, and aunts and uncles.  It was a nice weekend and Dusty's energy and health was strong.

Monday is our busy day so we just hung around the hospital and hotel pool.  Our doctors, nurses, and "waiting room friends" all enjoyed meeting our kids.  It was nice for Reynolds to see "normal" people with cancer.

Tuesday we went to the Houston's Children's Museum, voted the best Children's museum in the United States.  It was so much fun.  We really had a good time building things, doing experiments, and playing with the boys.  Tuesday afternoon we went back to the hotel and went to the pool with the boys.  Reynolds got to talking to a young man, who was playing basketball.  He has cancer too.  They started playing basketball (the courts are next to the pool) and I joined in.  We decided to play PIG.  He kept missing and saying that he was just a P, but I rolled with it.  I knew I was winning!  :)  But, after a while of me realizing this is never going to end I had to call it quits and pull the dinner time card.  When we were walking back to our room, I told Dusty about him cheating.  Dusty had been talking to his mom while the kids and me were playing with him.  She told him that he has an inoperable tumor in his brain and that he can't produce new memories.  So, he couldn't remember that we were playing PIG and couldn't remember what letters he had.  I felt so bad.  The mother told Dusty that he is her second son with cancer.  Ugh, my heart aches for her.  He is only 28 and can't remember anything since December 2011.  He has no short term memory.  So sad.  We meet people daily with amazing survival stories.  This place is magical.

Wednesday we took the kids to the Houston Aquarium.  It was fun but doesn't have anything on the Atlanta Aquarium.  It wasn't a full day event so we decided to take the kids to Bass ProShop so they could see more fish and animals.  The ProShop is in an outlet mall so we got to participate in some of Reynolds' back to school shopping.  We are going to miss open house and his first two weeks of kindergarten.  It breaks my heart to miss this major milestone in Reynolds' life but we are doing what we have to do so that Dusty will be there for Reynolds' college graduation.  Wednesday evening we swam for a little while and then settled in to watch the Olympics.  

Thursday arrived, the dreaded departure date.  But, it came at a good time because Dusty's health started taking a turn for the worse.  I think he overdid it while the kids were here but it was very important to Dusty that Reynolds see him strong and not sick.  Reynolds has been very worried and has made comments about his daddy dieing of cancer, so Dusty was not going to be down while they were here.  Dusty got sick that morning but Reynolds was pretty shielded from it.  We went to radiation then off to the airport.  We didn't plan on it being gone long so Dusty didn't bring his pain medicine.  As we pulled into the airport my dad called and their flight had been delayed three hours.  We were too far from our hotel to return so we went to McDonalds to let the kids play and try to wear them out before the flight.  Dusty started feeling leg pains about an hour into it.  Pain in his bones and in his muscles.  Dusty hung in there for another hour but then it got to a breaking point.  We had to take the kids and mom on to the airport and get him back to our room.  We made our goodbye short and sweet.  I didn't want to drag it out and upset them more.   While pulling out of the airport Dusty and I both lost it.  We cried harder in this moment than when he was diagnosed with cancer.  Saying goodbye to your children is the hardest thing to do.  It rips your heart out.  

It was a much needed trip.  We cuddled with our babies and enjoyed every second of it.  While in San Antonio, we had a king bed so all four Haydens snuggled in.  We spent the first hour of each night just giggling and playing in the bed.  Then, in Houston Dusty and I took turns with the kids.  I've never been one to let the kids sleep with us but I think my rules have changed.  I never want to let them go now!

Since they left, Dusty has had ups and downs.  Thursday and Friday were horrible days, Saturday (we spent the day with Ashley Bridges) and Sunday (he played golf) were good days.  Then today, Monday, another bad day.  But, today we celebrate:  TODAY WAS HIS LAST CHEMO TREATMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  He still has to take the chemo pills in the morning and night until Friday but he does not have to do inter venous chemo anymore.  8 more radiations.  Aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!  I'm so excited to see the end.

I feel like I'm drowning

Today has been hard.  I'm feeling very alone.  I miss my kids so badly that I can't breath.  It feels like I'm snorkeling, like I'm breathing enough to live but not getting satisfied by my breaths.  I feel like I'm drowning slowly.  I need my kids.  They are my life.  I'm counting down the days.  three days!!!  My mom is flying out with the boys on Friday.  I can't wait.  I'm so excited.  I'm more anxious to see them Friday than on the day they were born.  Seriously.  I already told Dusty we weren't going to sleep together the whole time they are here.  We are going to alternate which kid we get each night.  I can't wait to snuggle with them.  My rule of no children in the Master bed has gone out the window.  Hell, when I get home I may move their beds into my room.  Not really!  But, we will definitely have more pajama parties.  Tomorrow will be 4 weeks since I last touched my boys.  I'm literally going to attack them at the airport on Friday.  ATTACK!


Dusty is still doing good.  He is a chemo warrior.  He does so good with it.  He can feel the effects of the radiation but it is still tolerable.  We are learning how to manage his medicines.  If he takes his pain medicine 30 minutes before he eats, it helps with swallowing.  He also has a liquid that numbs his throat to help with swallowing, but we learned that it makes him nauseous so he has to take his anti-nausea medicine with the liquid.  It is all trial and error but we are learning what works for him.   Monday his platelets were low so we almost didn't get to do chemo but the doctor said lets move forward with chemo.  Since we didn't start radiation the first week we were here, we are going to be here a week longer; therefore, the doctor added one more chemo treatment.  So, now we have two more chemo treatments and seventeen more radiation treatments.  Friday we will be halfway done with radiation.  Yay!  


Our doctor got us in touch with a stage 3 esophageal cancer survivor who is 27.  We went to church and met John "Ty" and his fiancé, Niccole.  They are such warm and inviting people.  After church they invited us to lunch with them and two other couples, Robin and Ben and Stephanie and Will.  We ended up staying at the restaurant for three hours.  It was so great to get away from reality and have some fun.  It was the first time in a long time that I have laughed.  I'm hoping to have lunch again with the girls and Dusty and Ty plan on playing golf soon.  My hotel in near Robin and Niccole's work so hopefully, I can meet up with them once a week.
Niccole was by Ty's side through his entire treatment and surgery.  She told me what to expect and how to help him.  After surgery Dusty can't have food or water for 12 days, he will be on a feeding tube.  She WARNED me not to eat or drink anything in front of him during this period.  Let's just say her sneaking a butterfinger almost started World War III!  It feels good to have people here if I need help.  And they are good people.  They truly were there to help us and didn't make us feel out of place.  It was nice.

Tomorrow Dusty and I are getting out of my hotel room and going to help my college roommate with moving.  I'm excited to spend the day with Ashley.  She always makes me smile.

Making connections

Dusty is doing good with his treatments.  We have completed 8 of 28 radiation treatments and he only has 2 more chemo treatments left.  He is starting to have difficulty swallowing and pains but he is managing it well.  He said it feels like constant heartburn and he can feel heat in his stomach and back.  The pain radiates through his esophagus and he says he can feel it in his spine.  He is getting winded more easily due to radiation splatter on his lungs.  But, he said it is tolerable.  His attitude has gotten a lot better.  Our doctor got us in touch with a 27 year old guy that just followed pretty much the same treatment plan: chemo, then chemo with radiation, and followed by the surgery.  Dusty and him hit it off immediately.  They talked for almost an hour on the phone.  He made Dusty feel a lot better about the situation.  He told him what to expect and how to manage certain things.  It is a great connection.  We are going to church with him on Sunday.

Depression

Depression sucks!  That's it.  That's the bottom line.  I've never had to deal with it and I've never understood it.  But now it is in my face.  Dusty is sad.  Very very sad.  It is so hard to see him like this.  The man I love, the strongest man in my eyes, is so depressed.  He is having such a hard time the past three days.  He misses his kids more than anything.  He can't bear to Skype with them because it only hurts him more.  He has been fighting with me about taking his meds for fear of addiction but today, I won.  He finally took the actual dosage of his pain meds.  He has been trying to get by on only taking half.  I've told him not to fight it.  The doctors know how to prescribe it and they know how to wean you off of it.

It has just been a bad day.  But, on the good side.  My college roomie, Ashley Bridges, is coming to get me tomorrow night for a girls night at the movies.  Yep, we are going to see Magic Mike.  Don't judge, you know you want to see it!

Radiation

I'm sorry that I have been out of touch.  I've been having a hard time out here and writers block.  We were put off for a week and a day.  Our insurance company would not approve proton therapy because it is too new and too expensive.  We were supposed to start radiation on Monday, July 2.  They told us on Monday that we were not approved yet, then on Tuesday our insurance company would not return calls, knowing that Wednesday was July 4 and they would be closed.  So, this pushed us back to Thursday, well on Thursday at noon is when we were supposed to have our answers.  NOPE!  Nothing.  We called the doctors everyday and called the insurance company everyday.  Finally, on Monday, July 9, the doctor said lets go with plan 2, IMRT radiation.  Plan 2?  What does that mean?  Second best?  The doctor assured us that IMRT is really good.  He told us we are not getting 2nd rate medicine.  That IMRT is still better than other hospitals offer.  Way more advanced than everywhere else.  IMRT has a lose dose of radiation splatter to the surrounding areas.  Proton therapy does not.  We wanted proton therapy because radiation splatter to the surrounding areas means radiation splatter on his lungs and heart.  The heart is a strong muscle so radiation splatter is not much concern but the lungs are what scares us.  We need his lungs to stay strong for the surgery.

So, after coming out here 11 days too early, spending $1419 on an unnecessary hotel room, and being away from our children for a week and a half, we finally started on Tuesday, July 10.  Dusty did really well on Tuesday.  You don't feel radiation.  You start to feel the effects of radiation after about two weeks but you don't feel radiation during radiation.  Dusty has ups and downs.  He has random pains in his chest and legs.  He gets restless legs and has to use heating pads.  His spirits have been down since we started radiation.  I think it is something new and he is adjusting.  The first few days of chemo he did the same thing.  So, I think it is the initial shock of having to do radiation that is bringing him down.  There are many support groups here and I'm trying to get him to go with me but he is a private person.  He did make one joke about not glowing in the dark when we went to bed the other night!  :)  

My strength is being tested.  I'm really having a hard time being away from the kids.  I can feel Reynolds pulling away from us.  I don't know if it is because he is angry at us for leaving him or if he is  just busy when we call, but he doesn't want to talk to us much and only says hello for a minute on FaceTime and Skype.  I miss him so much.  Harland on the other hand doesn't want to get off of FaceTime and Skype.  He kisses the screen and loves to make faces with me.  I hold the screen tightly and cry to hold him.  It is like a part of me has died.  I need my children.  Luckily we raised enough money for me to buy two plane tickets to fly them here.  My mom is going to fly the kids out on July 27.  I can't wait.  We are so excited to see them.

Lucky penny

Saying goodbye to your children is never easy.  Wednesday night I had to say goodbye to my boys for 6 weeks.  That is the hardest part of this journey, not having my boys to hold when times get tough and we are down.  They remind us of what we are fighting for.  They are our reason for living.  Harland didn't understand that we were leaving for 6 weeks but Reynolds did.  Harland just thought it was another spend the night at Lolly and Pampaw's house.  But Reynolds knew.  He cried and begged to come along.  It was so hard to have to literally peel Reynolds off of my leg.  I cried the whole way home.  They are my life but so is Dusty and right now, Dusty needs me.  We have to do this so that we can be here for the boys forever.

Thursday morning we loaded up and headed out.  Not sure where we would stop but knew the route we would take.  I started my iPod playlist by artist, Alan Jackson was toward the top and we heard Midnight in Montgomery (song about Hank Williams Senior), Dusty said, "Hey, lets go see Hank Williams' grave while in Montgomery."  So we did!  I mean, Why not?  We didn't really have to be in Houston until Saturday evening so we thought we would make a trip out of the drive.  We saw the grave and took some pictures.  It was neat.  We continued on and ended up getting all the way to Biloxi, MS.  We stayed in a casino hotel and decided to play our luck on the slot machines.  Hell, we have had good news lately and felt lucky.  I put in $20, Dusty put in $20, and Mitchell (Dusty's dad) put in $13.  At the end of an hour we had $53.01. That's right, we won one penny!  That is our lucky penny!  We cashed in a called it a night.

Mitchell, Me, and Hank

Friday morning while leaving the hotel we passed the slot machines.  I threw in two more dollars and BAM, lost it.  So, in the end, we were in the hole $1.99.  Better than most of the poor souls we saw going machine to machine, rubbing rabbit's feet, and losing everything!

We continued down the coastal highway and saw Jefferson Davis' house.  We didn't pay to go in, just drove by and took a picture.

We decided to drive into New Orleans.  Katrina aftermath is still EVERYWHERE!  We passed many sections that were like ghost towns, construction dumpsters were on every corner, and every third house seemed to still be condemned.  It was so depressing.  Then, we went to the French Quarters.  EW!  It is the filthiest place I've ever been.  The streets were full of weird people and trash everywhere.  It seemed like every block had a strip club and sex shop.  It was not where I wanted to sightsee.  I checked trip advisor and everyone said you should visit the cemeteries in New Orleans.  So, we did.  It was worth the trip.  The monuments that people used to build are unbelievable.  Total works of art.  It was fascinating and creepy all together.  I enjoyed reading the history and learning the stories of some of the tombs.  They give you a CD to put in your car and a map of how to get to the different tombs.  It was really cool.  

On to Houston.  We arrived in Houston at about 9:30 and got checked into our hotel and passed out.  It was a long two days of driving.  I learned a lot along the way.  I learned that my father-in-law giggles in his sleep, that I never want to return to New Orleans, and that I want to be buried in a kick ass tomb!